I’ve been in this rut lately, and I’m hoping I’ll snap out of it soon. They say that when your career is good, then your love life is bad…and when your career is bad, then your love life is good. But is it really too much to want both?
I find myself in a predicament. I’m completely in love to the man of my dreams. Actually, I take that back. No person is exactly what you dreamed about or completely perfect, but he is pretty darn close. Not to mention that what I dreamed about when I was a little girl has changed significantly since I’ve gotten older. It’s not about prince charming anymore. In fact, that façade faded away when I was about 12. Instead, it’s about complementing each other. I tend to be the planner, and he goes with the flow. Could it get frustrating? Yes. It actually does at times, but it also helps me realize to stop and enjoy the moment and let spontaneity reign. Let’s face it, life is more fun that way. Another difference is that he likes doing the dishes, and I do not. Score another one for me!
Of course though, our love is more than just planning and dishes. With my past two relationships, I truly thought I loved them. That is, until I met Adam. This type of love is truly unexplainable. People try so hard to describe this feeling so eloquently in poems, books, songs and more…yet even they don’t succeed. You just can’t know until you experience it…just like you don’t listen to your parents about not touching a hot stove until you get burnt. The fact is I am so completely blessed to have found my match, both literally and figuratively. (Or maybe he’s my flint, and I’m the match.) Either way, I can’t stop lighting up when he’s by my side.
Now, I’m sitting here and counting the days until I get to be his wife, yet all this wedding planning is getting the best of me, and I haven’t even really begun yet. I thought by taking a break and focusing on the other projects in my life that I would find clarity in what to do. But so far that hasn’t happened. If anything, I’m more confused. Maybe I just need to take some more time.
Or possibly, it could be that I’m just not happy with my career right now, and it’s slowly seeping in and killing my happiness and the fun of planning. It’s time for something new though, that’s for sure. I’m ready for a new challenge, one where I can finally use my talents, abilities and creativity to their fullest. I’m sure as heck not doing that here. Where I’m at now seems to only be one step up from a maid. (Not that being a maid is bad.) It’s just that I didn’t go to college and get my degree to be someone’s personal assistant who doesn’t get credit for the work they do. Not to mention that the disrespect and lack of thoughtfulness shown to us is even worse. And you know something has got to give when the negativity seeps in, and you can’t get past it. Nothing is worth your happiness vanishing.
So now I find myself in one of life’s most common frustrations, the one where you’re supposed to find a balance between work and family. But when I think of balance, I think of a scale where two sides are equal. However, that usually means that one side that used to be greater than the other is now mediocre in order to make up for the one that was terrible. And that’s not okay with me. I want both to be exceptional. Screw the scale. Here’s to happiness on all accounts and not settling for mediocrity!
Firefly Dreamer 